Blog Post

I think I feel

Ray Leight • November 2, 2020
We have looked at intellectual boundaries and emotional boundaries with others, now I want to look at the boundaries between our own thoughts and emotions. This is probably one of the most confusing areas of boundaries that my clients are working through.  

Everyone has thoughts and feelings. These are a normal part of life. The problem is, we are so used to them we sometimes tend to not be conscious of them. Often, my clients are unaware of the thoughts they are thinking, the emotions they are feeling, or even the difference between the two. The processes that are happening have become so familiar to them; it is like a foundational reality they are not even aware of. This can cause continual loops of occurrences they do not necessarily want to keep experiencing. Becoming aware of our thought processes and our emotions is a huge step in the development of change and freedom.  

The first step in healthy communication and healthy relationships is learning the differences between our own thoughts and emotions. One of the reasons that emotions can get the best of us sometimes is because we do not understand or even know what we are actually feeling. When we can know and understand clear boundaries in our own thoughts and emotional life, we will begin to be able to establish healthy boundaries with other people’s thoughts and emotions. This will allow us to establish healthy relational boundaries with them as well.

The strongholds, arguments, imaginations, lofty opinions, and elevated false identities we have established in our thoughts have caused us to experience fear, guilt, and shame.

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ – 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

These strongholds, arguments, and lofty opinions are not an attack from the enemy that we need to spiritually defeat. They are our personal thoughts. Understanding this will help us tear them down. We have divine power to be able to repent, reconsider our thoughts, change our thinking, and believe the good news of freedom, peace, and joy.

The strongholds are the things we are personally holding on to for safety, and the positions we are defending, causing fear. The arguments are the imaginations, reasonings, and judgments we use to prove our positions and decisions right, causing guilt. The lofty opinions are the barriers and false identities we elevate above the knowledge of ourselves and God, causing shame. These strongholds, arguments, and lofty opinions are what we have the divine power to tear down.  
The problem comes in when we misunderstand these and begin to label them as feelings. When we do this, we are unable to connect with what we are actually thinking or feeling, and we will react out of an imagined lofty stronghold instead of reality. When we can properly define thoughts, we can get in touch with the real emotion and find out what the belief system is that is creating that feeling. I break this out in detail and give you a practical application to be able to process your thoughts and feelings in Chapter Five of my book, Identity Restoration.

The example I use in Chapter Five, Three Steps to Life, breaks out a situation where it seems like you may be experiencing manipulation. I used manipulation because it is such a common unhealthy communication tool. A lot of my clients have expressed similar situations and they described that they felt manipulated. The issue is that manipulation is not an emotion. It is a thought. What can happen is that a familiar feeling can get associated with a particular type of situation where you think you may have experienced manipulation. This thought of being manipulated can then get labeled as an emotion you are feeling. Then when you experience a certain situation you will “feel” manipulated. This is a real problem because it may be happening, or may just be a perception. Either way it can cause you to react out of an unresolved trauma from the past, instead of being able to be present and respond out of who you are. This will keep you from being able to find out the real feeling and be able to resolve the trauma.

Emotions are almost always an expression of our thoughts. When we can know the difference between thoughts and feelings, it can help us be able to capture our thoughts and make them obedient to the truth. When we can steward our thought life, we can then steward our emotions. The problem is not that our emotions are out of control, it is that our thoughts are out of control. It is futile to attempt to manage our emotions without managing our thoughts. Usually, even though there are some exceptions (such as loss), when we are emotionally overwhelmed, it is because our thoughts are running rampant creating strongholds of fear, arguments of guilt, and opinions of shame. 

If you are having trouble defining the difference between your thoughts and emotions, help is available. An Identity Coaching session will help you take inventory of your heart, discover your thought processes, help you understand your structures of defense, and find out what truth is available for you. You can get to know yourself and give your heart a choice.

Freedom is available.

Peace is possible.

Joy is real.

Blessings,

Ray

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