The Loneliness of Loss

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30 As you consider this year ending, are there things you would like to let go of and leave behind? Find a quiet moment to ask God about this and make a note of what you discover. If you aren’t sure what to leave behind, use this list as a guide and see if anything stands out to you: Feeling not good enough, powerless, alone, stuck, unsafe, hopeless, disconnected, broken, disappointed, or rejected Believing that you are unwanted, don’t belong, that it is all your fault, or that you have no purpose Struggling with thinking you are worthless, unknown, unprotected, a failure, damaged, not capable, or stupid (These are all things to leave behind! If you are dealing with any of these, know that freedom is available. God has greater things in store for you. Please continue to pursue healing. You won’t regret it!) As you review this list, ask the Lord if there is anyone you need to forgive. If someone comes to mind, go ahead and speak out forgiveness. You don’t need to wait until the feelings are there in order to forgive. Go ahead and speak it out, as an act of letting go, and continue on with the devotional. You can always work through any residual feelings later. Next, let’s repeat this process regarding what you would like to receive in 2024. This is where it gets good! As much as you are able, let yourself dream with God in this step. Again, find a quiet moment to ask God about this and make note of what you discover. If you aren’t sure what to receive and take hold of in 2024, use this list as a guide and see if anything stands out to you: Believing you are good enough, that all things are possible, that you can do it, that you are wanted, have a purpose, and that you are accepted, powerful, and included Knowing that you belong, you are valuable, known, safe, wise, successful, and free Feeling connected, whole, protected, strong, capable, pleasing, and able to experience peace and joy (This is just a small sample of all that is available to us in God! As we said, greater things are in store for you. Keep going!) A great question for God would be, “What truths about my identity do You want me to receive for 2024?” Go ahead and ask Him this now and make note of what you discover. Now let’s put it all together! We have written this sample prayer to use as a guide for your time with God, but this is only to get you started. Feel free to make this your own and to connect with God and express your heart in whatever way you need. “Lord, I no longer wish to carry ______________. I choose to let it go and leave it behind so that I am able to receive _____________ for this new year. I repent for anything I have been believing which has led me to needlessly carry heavy burdens in 2023. I choose to forgive and release those things, and to receive all that You have for me in 2024, including _____________. Thank You for your grace and Your mercy. Thank You for helping me live in freedom, peace, and joy. I come into agreement with the truth of my identity in Christ, and I submit all my thoughts to obedience in Christ. Thank You, Jesus!” You’re doing great! To wrap up your time, ask the Holy Spirit to empower you and guide you in 2024. Celebrate with God all the cherished memories of 2023, invite Him to envelop the difficult memories for you, and dream with Him about what 2024 could hold for you. We hope this devotional blesses you and inspires you to spend time with God and receive the love and help He has for you. This year, make it a regular exercise to release, forgive, and receive all that God wants for you. May you experience the goodness of the Lord each and every day! HAPPY NEW YEAR! * For a more comprehensive experience of this release and receive activity, you can find it in the “Who Do You Think You Are?” 21 Day Devotiona l or Bible study . If you need personalized help, we recommend an Identity Coaching session.

What do you do now? Wow, that is a good question! You may have already had that thought at some point during this process. What do you think you should do now? Before reading on, think about that for a moment. What do you think is the next best move for you? Before we look at what to do now, let’s look back and see how far you have come. Hopefully, you were able to engage in the exercise from the Grateful Celebration blog and look back on your journey to celebrate your memorial stones of maturity. You are now more aware of yourself and your relationships, retooled for success, establishing healthier boundaries for yourself, letting yourself think your thoughts and feel your feelings, taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, getting to know yourself better, holistically taking care of yourself, growing in your faith, believing in yourself, dreaming again, establishing healthier life patterns, discerning truth, and celebrating your success. If all went well during this process, you are experiencing life a little differently than you did before your healing encounter. You are different. You think differently, see differently, and can discern truth more effectively. This is a great place to be. Now that you are here, what do you do? The real answer to that question never changes for me. In every step of our process, we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Each practical step may look different, but the foundation of it always needs to be based in seeking the kingdom of God. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:33 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. – Romans 14:17 Expression of Scripture: Worship God by being about, going about, desiring, endeavoring for, enquiring for, requiring, and seeking His kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy first, at the beginning, in the first order of importance, before anything else, and all these things will be added to you. – Chapter Ten, Identity Restoration It is good to remember that we are on a journey of pursuing righteousness, peace, and joy, not a journey of pursuing unresolved trauma to get healed from. Jesus set us free so we could be free. He did not set us free to submit to a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). We are slaves to righteousness, not fear, shame, and guilt. Hopefully, in the areas where you were stuck, and you had a fixed mindset, you are now freer in your thinking and can have a growth mindset. You can continue to grow, to know God better, and to know yourself more clearly. You are free to live free. Some clients who I have worked with in the past have been stuck in a pursuit of finding and resolving unresolved trauma. This is not what I would call freedom. The pursuit of healing is the pursuit of the kingdom of God. We don’t need to focus on or worry about our past traumas that have caused the current lies. There is a delicate balance of acknowledging the truth of who we are, along with the reality that we do not fully believe that truth and are in a healing process. Remember, healing is just a manifested revelation of truth through spiritual discernment. The truth is already true, we just don’t believe it. We don’t want a victim mindset of a constant need for healing, and we don’t want a denial mindset of thinking we have already resolved all our issues. We need to accept that we are on a journey of discovery. He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that He might fill all things. And He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. – Ephesians 4:10-14 When we all reach the unity of the faith and the maturity of the full measure of the stature of Christ, we can say we are done with this healing journey. Until then, we need to repent and believe the good news. Continue to follow Jesus into life, pursue the kingdom of God, and check yourself to see if you are in the faith when behaviors, attitudes, actions, or mindsets arise that do not look like Jesus. In Deuteronomy the Word tells us that the Lord gave us choices. We can choose life or death, blessing or curses. Therefore, choose life and blessing so that you may live a blessed life. As you are seeking the kingdom of God first, these are some things you can do now. All the desires of your new clean heart that have been stirred—pursue them! All the hopes that have been renewed—pursue them! All the dreams that have been rebirthed—pursue them! You have permission to live, to live free, and to live abundantly. Explore your creativity that may have been set free, learn the things you have been wanting to learn, and try the things you have been wanting to try. It is never too late to live free. You have permission to try, to make mistakes, and to fail. None of these affect your identity. Trust your heart, check your thoughts, and connect with God. He is faithful and wants to fulfill the desires of your heart. Remember from the Self-Nurture blog, discipleship is following Jesus into life. Living involves growth. You have permission to grow, to mature, and to be more like Christ. You can do this. I am proud of you that you are this far on your journey. You are so much more amazing than you even know. God created you in His image to fulfill a purpose. In Christ, you have a purpose, you are valuable, and you are good. Be free, be blessed, and enjoy your peace. Ray Healing Resources: Who Do You Think You Are? Bible Study https://www.faithbygrace.org/who-do-you-think-you-are_bible-study Who Do You Think You Are? Devotional https://www.faithbygrace.org/identity-restoration Identity Restoration Book https://www.faithbygrace.org/identity-restoration Finding A New Normal Book https://www.faithbygrace.org/finding-a-new-normal5219b678 Your True Identity podcast https://www.faithbygrace.org/podcasts Blog https://www.faithbygrace.org/blog Identity, Grief, Couples, Dreams, Recovery Coaching and spiritual mentoring https://www.faithbygrace.org/identity-coaching

Is gratitude a part of your daily thinking? Can you celebrate the level of healing and revelation you are walking in now? Hopefully it is, and you can. It is such an important part of the maturing into yourself process. The idea of gratitude and celebration was not normal for me. I grew up in a family culture of negativity and complaining. It was a foundational part of my thinking and processing. This is one of the things that helped develop my addiction to negativity and rejection. It took me years of focus and many encounters with the Lord to break this cycle. It still is not always easy for me to celebrate and be grateful. I must intentionally focus on it. Along with the cultural and generational influences that each one of us must conquer and rise above, there are some biological issues we have to overcome as well. There is something called negativity bias that all of us must deal with. Some psychological research shows that our brains react more strongly to negative stimuli, and we need at least a five to one ratio of positivity to negativity just to have an equilibrium. This negativity bias can cause you to remember traumatic experiences more often than good experiences, ruminate on negative details, focus on criticism, and more easily believe lies about yourself, your situation, and others. This can be destructive to your self-image, your purpose, and your relationships. Just think about that for a moment. Simply understanding and taking authority over this one biological hurdle can dramatically change your life. This may or may not be an issue for you. You may have grown up in a healthier environment where you were trained to think more positively and be grateful. Praise God if that is you. If that is not you, don’t worry; freedom is available. Especially now that you have experienced some level of healing, the ability to be grateful and think more positively will be more natural. Like I had mentioned, I was addicted to negativity, and would fixate on criticism, rejection, and regret. It was an extreme and miserable issue for me. I am no longer stuck there! If I can be free, you can be free. You can transition into a lifestyle of gratitude and celebration that will increase your freedom, peace, and joy. There are many coaching clients who I have worked with who were trained to deny their thoughts and pretend and perform an image of positivity. That is not what I am talking about. We still need to capture every thought and bring it into the obedience of Christ. We must acknowledge and consider our negative thoughts so we can reconsider and believe the good news. The positive reality of Jesus Christ is good news. Changing your thinking patterns may take practice and training, but it is worth it. We can start with the simple celebration that you have made it this far in the Maturing Into Yourself process. I am personally grateful you got here. I am so grateful that you are still reading, listening, learning, and hopefully being blessed by this blog. I never stop being amazed that what I have learned through my trauma and my healing brings healing to others. That is something I can easily celebrate and be grateful for. As we looked at in the Building Your Faith blog, one of the ways to build faith is to remember and celebrate what God has done. Let’s review some of the growth we have experienced so far in this blog series and celebrate it. We have become aware of, and have taken personal responsibility for, our emotional and mental health. We can be present, discern, establish boundaries, communicate our needs, and adjust our dysfunctional relationships. We know ourselves better, can now accept ourselves, love ourselves, nurture ourselves, and better care for our needs. We can dream, believe in ourselves, and pursue healing freely. We are more free. You are more free! As we looked at in the Building Faith blog, the Lord often instructed His followers to build memorials, have feasts, and establish traditions of celebration. We can find these patterns of celebration in the Old and New Testament. As I was writing this, there were a few Scriptures that I was reminded of. I hope they are an inspiration to you. Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, “Till now the LORD has helped us.” – 1 Samuel 7:12 This verse in 1 Samuel came to mind and reminded me of the hymn, Come Though Fount. If you can, I recommend taking some time and letting yourself meditate on the presence of God and how He has helped you, while listening to this hymn. It is a beautiful and moving experience. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. – Luke 15:23-24 This verse in Luke came to mind and reminded me of how the Father celebrates our return to Him. If you can, I recommend taking some time and celebrating with the Lord that you once were dead, but now you are alive in Him. You were lost, but now you are found. Another great experience could be meditating on the presence of God and celebrating with Him while listening to the Hymn, Amazing Grace. Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. – 1 Corinthians 5:8 This verse in 1 Corinthians came to mind and reminded me of another verse. For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God. – 1 John 3:20-21 We no longer need to come to God in condemnation. Even if our hearts do condemn us, God is greater. We can now come to God in confidence, in sincerity, and in the truth of who we are in Christ. For some reason, these verses remind me of my all-time favorite hymn, How Great though Art. If you can, I recommend taking the time to come confidently to the Lord in praise, while listening to this hymn, and let your soul sing out in celebration for what God has done for you. There are many memorial stones we can look back on and celebrate. If you are willing, take a moment and look back on your journey of healing and maturing. Yes, I know it probably has been at least a little messy, but freedom is always better. It would be a great exercise for you to pause here and write this out so you can celebrate the memorial stones of accomplishments through your healing and maturing journey. If you do experience negative thoughts during this exercise, apply the five to one ratio and see how it goes for you. For each negative thought, find at least five things to celebrate and be grateful for. This ratio may be a little different for each one of us. I have seen the negative bias explained as four to seven times more powerful than positivity in our brains. Five is not a magic number. Practice and see what works for you. Positive thoughts do not necessarily change your situation. Transitioning your thinking to be more thankful and grateful can help give you the hope to be able to make a change. You can do this. You can be free and enjoy your peace. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:8-9 Blessings, Ray

Does the term personal responsibility stir up excitement and hope in you, or does it stir up fear and shame? What if you could take personal responsibility for everything in your life and thrive in freedom, peace, and joy? What I mean by personal responsibility is each of us taking ownership of our own thoughts, emotions, choices, decisions, behaviors, relationships, attitudes, and direction in life. I believe that personal responsibility is one of the greatest keys to freedom. Without it, we will struggle to have our basic needs met and to fully experience our righteousness, peace, and joy. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. – Romans 14:17 When sin entered the world through the lies of the enemy, fear, shame, and guilt began stealing our purpose, killing our security, and destroying our relationships. Purpose, security, and relationship are basic needs that are foundational in the kingdom. Let’s separately look at how each one of these are affected by personal responsibility. Security The core of our security is our peace in the Holy Spirit. This peace is what will define the authority that we walk in as followers of Christ. When we can take personal responsibility for our peace in the Lord we will have assurance in our security, contentment, and authority. This assurance will affect our ability to feel safe, to trust, and to rest in the truth of who we are in Christ. When we can trust and rest in the truth, patience and humility will flourish in our lives as we courageously walk in the victory of our faith. Peace is a natural aspect of our identity in Christ. As I have explained in my Identity Restoration book, the enemy is trying to kill our authority by getting us to believe his lies. When we believe a lie about an aspect of our identity that is intended to manifest peace, we will manifest fear. This fear, unchecked, will eventually bring us to a place of powerlessness where we are tricked into thinking there is nothing we can do to experience peace. When we are powerless to accept personal responsibility for our own peace, we will attempt to control the circumstances, environments, relationships, and people in our lives to manage our peace and security. Control is at best a lack of personal responsibility, and at worst a refusal to be responsible for our own peace and security. Now that you have experienced some level of healing, anywhere in your life that you were operating in fear and control, you can now take personal responsibility for your own peace and begin to trust God. What I mean by taking responsibility for our peace and security is to accept that our peace is a manifestation of our faith. What we think and believe will determine how we feel and whether we will experience peace or fear. Peace is a manifestation of believing the truth of who God is and who we are in Christ. When we believe it, we will feel it. You have the authority to believe the truth of who you are in Christ and to live in peace. Purpose The core of our purpose is joy in the Holy Spirit. This joy is what will determine the expression of our identity in Christ. When we can take personal responsibility for our joy in the Lord, we will have the affirmation of our purpose, approval, and identity. This affirmation will affect our ability to feel accepted, to hope, and to delight in the truth of who we are in Christ. When we can hope and delight in the truth, gratitude and determination will flourish in our lives as we optimistically walk in the fulfillment of our faith. Joy is a natural aspect of our identity in Christ. The enemy is trying to steal our identity by getting us to believe his lies. When we believe a lie about an aspect of our identity that is intended to manifest joy, we will manifest shame. This shame, unchecked, will eventually bring us to a place of helplessness where we are tricked into thinking there is no hope for joy. When we are hopeless and cannot take personal responsibility for our own joy, we will attempt to find joy and purpose in our status, our finances, our career, or any number of false identities. Now that you have experienced some level of healing, anywhere in your life that you were stuck in shame and false identities, you can now take personal responsibility for your own joy and hope in the Lord. What I mean by taking responsibility for our joy and purpose is to accept that our joy is a manifestation of our faith. What we think and believe about ourselves, and God, will determine whether we will experience joy or shame. God purposely created you with clarity and you have permission to live in joy. Relationship The core of our relationships is our righteousness and freedom in the Holy Spirit. This freedom is what will define our relationships in Christ. When we can take personal responsibility for our freedom, we will have confidence in our relationships, innocence, and community. This confidence will affect our ability to feel loved, respected, and connected. When we feel loved and respected in our relationships, compassion, empathy, and generosity will flourish in our lives as we walk in the kindness and harmony of our faith. Freedom is a natural aspect of our identity in Christ. The enemy is trying to destroy our community by getting us to believe his lies. When we believe a lie about an aspect of our identity that is intended to manifest freedom, we will manifest guilt. This guilt, unchecked, will eventually bring us to a place of loneliness where we are tricked into thinking we are being punished and there is no way to be free. This lonely punishment will keep us from taking personal responsibility for our own freedom, and we will isolate ourselves and blame others for it. Now that you have experienced some level of healing, anywhere in your life that you were alone in guilt and blame, you can now take personal responsibility for your own freedom and experience your righteous relationship with God. What I mean by taking responsibility for our freedom and relationships is to accept that our freedom is a manifestation of our faith. What we think and believe about ourselves, God, and others will determine whether we will experience guilt or freedom. You are righteous in Christ; you belong to Him and you can live free. When we can accept personal responsibility for our own freedom, peace, and joy, we will experience security and purpose in our lives and relationships. When we do not, this will lead us into unhealthy, codependent relationships with people, circumstances, and things. These unhealthy relationships will keep us hiding in fear, covering ourselves in shame, and blaming others for it. This personal responsibility all starts with taking ownership of our own thoughts and emotions . Learning the difference between thoughts and emotions is extremely important in this process. When we can accept that our emotions are a result of our own thoughts and beliefs, we can begin to experience joy in our purpose, security in our peace, and freedom in our relationships. Personal responsibility is a blessing, not a burden. You can do this, Ray

Spiritual boundaries are an interesting topic. Do spiritual boundaries make sense to you? The things of the Spirit are sometimes so abstract for our understanding. Boundaries in this area can be even more unclear than emotional or intellectual boundaries. As we are recovering from previous trauma and are maturing into our true selves, it is important for us to understand and implement spiritual boundaries. At some level, everything is connected to the spiritual. In reality, we can not get away from that. In this blog we are going to explore some aspects of boundaries in the spiritual realm. The Scripture that came to mind when I was thinking about spiritual boundaries is in James: Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and He Himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:13-15 This Scripture may seem a little abstract in regard to spiritual boundaries, but let me explain. One of the earliest revelations God gave me (in regard to the Identity Restoration concept) was this verse in James. He connected it to the enemy lying to Adam and Eve in the third chapter of Genesis. This is also why we have already looked at boundaries in our thoughts and emotions. Understanding and stewarding our thoughts and emotions is directly connected to our spiritual boundaries. Let’s look at Genesis 3 in relation to the James verse. But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. (the father of lies introducing a lie) For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw (desire) that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit (conception) and ate, (sin is birthed) and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. (fully grown) Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. (death) – Genesis 3:4-7 This is the basic tactic the enemy uses to entice us into sin and destruction. As a new creation, we are kingdom seekers by nature. It is who we are. The enemy knows this, and he is constantly trying to entice us with things that seem like the kingdom of God. He offers them to us as quicker, easier, better, and more fulfilling. In reality, they are not. This tactic of enticing us to desire the things of the world through lies is how he tries to steal our identity, kill our authority, and destroy our community. Through these lies the enemy lures us into a relationship with him where we conceive and birth sin that grows into death and the destruction of our lives. There are two different kingdoms. The kingdom of God and the kingdom of the world. Having healthy boundaries in this area of our lives is essential to healthy growth. There are many ways these boundaries get confused. Here are a few of them. One of the most common areas of spiritual confusion I experience with my clients is them not understanding the difference between their own self-protections and demons. Now don’t get me wrong, demons are real and they are a real problem. They just usually are not the problem we are dealing with. So often we have been trained through unhealthy religious teaching to assume what is happening is demonic. This is why mature discernment is so important. If you have not read The Importance of Discernment blog yet, please take the time to review it. So often, our own patterns, habits, behaviors, and old tapes that are running in our head get labeled as demonic attack. This will unfortunately cause us to battle with ourselves and cause even more trauma as we try to cast out a wounded area of our hearts. A better approach as we are maturing into ourselves is to not assume anything and instead allow God to help us discern what is happening. Speaking of demonic battle, this is another area where some of my clients have trouble. Getting information about something does not necessarily mean we are called to take it on as an assignment. This is one of the problems prophetic seers may experience. Just in case you are not familiar with this term, a “prophetic seer” is gifted with a greater ability than normal to see into the spirit realm. Often when I work with seers, they are stuck in demonic battle that is causing relational, mental, and emotional issues for them. As in the natural world, just because you see something does not mean you need to act on it. Asking God what to do with the information is a healthier approach. Prophetic feelers have their own challenges. Like seers, a prophetic feeler is gifted with a greater ability than normal to feel the things of the spirit. Many of the feelers I have worked with take what they are feeling and automatically make it a spiritual issue. This bypasses discernment all together and does not allow for someone to know whether they are dealing with their own lies and wounds, or a spiritual atmosphere. This again can put us in a position of battling ourselves and causing more personal and relational harm in the situation. The more we get to know ourselves and allow our hearts to have choices, the less this will happen. Spiritual codependence is another area where we will violate boundaries. None of us can save anyone. Just like healing, salvation is a revelation of truth through spiritual discernment. Whether we are trying to make something happen for someone, control the environment around them, perform for them, or worry about their faith, we are not helping. Instead, this invites the enemy into the process and just causes problems for us and them. This can cause all types of emotional, mental, and relational issues. Trusting God is a healthier approach. Choosing faith and believing God with other people’s salvation and their faith walk will make everyone’s lives better. Knowing the Word of God, the character and nature of Jesus, Holy Spirit, and Father God, along with our own identity in Christ will greatly help us have clarity with spiritual boundaries. Taking the time to investigate and discern mentally, emotionally, and spiritually will help us mature and live a life filled with more freedom, peace, and joy. Take your time, there is no hurry. You do not have to figure it all out right away. As you grow in maturity this will allow you to know the good, perfect, and acceptable will of God. It will help you accept the things of the Spirit of God, find what is good, right, true, and pleasing to the Lord, abound in knowledge, and distinguish good from evil. This will empower you to be able to establish healthy boundaries between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of the world. Blessings, Ray

Would you like to understand discernment better? What if you could discern more effectively? Would that help your life? Discernment may or may not be a topic you focus on much, but it is a particularly important part of our maturity. Often, I have found that people think they are discerning when in reality they are just projecting a predetermined opinion on a situation based off of their own woundedness. Now that you have experienced a healing encounter it should be easier for you to discern in the areas where previously you were believing lies, self-protecting, and projecting. To start, let’s look at some Scriptures that talk about discernment. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2 For the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. – Ephesians 5:9-10 The word used in these two Scriptures for discern is Strong’s G1381, dokimazō. It means: to test, approve, allow, discern, examine, prove, try. The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. – 1 Corinthians 2:14 The word used in this Scripture for discerned is Strong’s G350, anakrinō. It means: to properly scrutinize, investigate, interrogate, determine, question, discern, examine, judge, search. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment . – Philippians 1:9 The word used in this Scripture for discernment is Strong’s G144, aisthēsis. It means: perception, discernment, judgment. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. – Hebrews 5:14 The word used in this Scripture for discernment is Strong’s, diakrisis. It means: judicial estimation, discern, disputation (debate). Each of these words together express discernment and discerning as testing, approving, allowing, examining, proving, trying, properly scrutinizing, investigating, interrogating, determining, questioning, judging, searching, perceiving, judicially estimating, and debating. This is so much more than just feeling something. One of my biggest issues with what has been described as discernment over the years is that it is often limited to a feeling. The most common mistake people make regarding discernment is they will just accept what they are feeling as a fact of what they think they are discerning. Our feelings will be a part of discernment, but relying on our feelings for discernment is misleading and destructive. We need to allow ourselves to feel our emotions, examine those emotions, scrutinize them, determine why we are feeling them, and perceive what is truly happening. We cannot just rely on a gut feeling as a final answer. I am not saying we need to discount or deny our feelings. I am saying we need to allow, test, discern, examine, properly scrutinize, investigate, determine, question, judge, and search out our feelings. This will allow us to know the good, perfect, and acceptable will of God, accept the things of the Spirit of God, find what is good, right, true, and pleasing to the Lord, abound in knowledge, and distinguish good from evil. Understanding the difference between our thoughts and feelings is critical in the discerning process. If you have not read the I Think I Feel blog, please take the time to review that. Discernment requires emotional awareness and clarity of thought. If we are triggered by a lie, and are reacting out of unresolved trauma, we will not have the ability to discern properly. This is what causes us to project our predetermined opinion on situations. What you think and feel about yourself directly affects your discernment. That is why healing and identity is so important. Now that you have experienced some type of healing, and you can believe who you are, you can discern from your true identity in areas where you could not before. This will begin to change how you perceive people and situations. Especially if you were previously codependently finding your identity in other situations, people, or events. If you were finding your identity in other things, you were not able to properly discern and make good choices. Now you can be you, discern properly, and make healthy choices. This will be a new experience for some and will sometimes include emotional swings now that you can see clearly. It is OK. Having Awareness of the Functional Dysfunction , the Old Tools , and the Pendulum Swing is part of the maturity process and will help you discern more effectively. Don’t expect to be an expert right away. Take your time and let yourself practice discernment. Test it, examine it, scrutinize it, question it, investigate, and perceive. Remember, Holy Spirit is revealing all truth to us. Even the healing you experienced was a revelation of truth through spiritual discernment. Discernment is a natural aspect of your identity in Christ. Allow yourself to have emotions. Consider the thoughts you have. Practice capturing your thoughts, bring them into the light, reconsider them, and believe the truth. When you can properly discern you will understand the will of God, accept the truth from Holy Spirit, experience the fruit of being pleasing to God, allow your love to abound in knowledge, and be able to distinguish good from evil. This will help you mature into yourself as a child of God. You can do this. Be free and enjoy your peace. Ray

Do you know if you are in a place where you need to pursue more healing? Are you thriving in freedom, peace, and joy? After my clients experience a healing encounter, I am often asked, “When should I have another session?” I will usually let them know that the goal is not to engage in continual sessions with me, although there is a time and a place to receive help and guidance from others. All my resources, including an Identity Coaching session, are designed to equip you to be able to process on your own and live a lifestyle of freedom. Sometimes we can process with God on our own, and sometimes we need help. In this blog we will explore how to know when we need help to pursue more healing. By now, hopefully you have been able to accept your need for healing. We are all in a process of discovering our true identity. As we have already looked at, healing is just a manifested revelation of truth through spiritual discernment. The truth of who we are in Christ is already true, we just do not fully know, believe, or live out that truth. If our thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, and lives do not represent Jesus, it is because we are believing lies and self-protecting in our own effort. What we are being “healed” of are the lies and self-protections. Acknowledging our need for healing is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of courage and honesty. Another way we could look at our healing journey is just to look at it in the terms of discipleship. Our healing journey is really a discipleship journey. We follow Jesus and are disciples by faith, not by knowledge. That is why we must go beyond our intellect and knowledge to get to our beliefs. Repentance and obedience are from the heart. We are on a constant journey until we attain to the unity of the faith and knowledge of Jesus, to the full measure of maturity and stature of Christ (Ephesians 4:13). I am not sure about you, but I can guarantee you that I have not attained that yet. Until I do, I will continue to pursue healing. Now, the question is, “When do I pursue more healing?” On any journey, we are not always actively engaged in every aspect of the journey. There are seasons of focus as we are moving forward. Sometimes we are traveling down the road enjoying the experience, and sometimes we are pulling off to the side to do some needed maintenance. The focus of this journey is the pursuit of the kingdom of God first in everything we do. Freedom, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit is the kingdom of God. As we are pursuing the kingdom there will be times when we hit a pothole or speed bump of fear, shame, or guilt in the road. We do not need to pull over and do maintenance for every bump we hit. If we continually experience a thump-thump-thump of fear, shame, or guilt, we do need to pull over and find out what it is before it causes more damage. Once you have experienced a pit stop and have resolved the issue that was causing the “thump,” let yourself enjoy the ride for a while. There is no need to look for issues that may be there. If there is no evidence of a problem, I do not recommend looking for one. Jesus has set us free so that we can enjoy our freedom, not so that we can become yoked to the slavery of having to constantly look for issues to be resolved. We are not slaves to our issues. We are slaves to righteousness. Allow yourself to be free and enjoy your peace. While you are maturing and living your life, becoming more aware, establishing new boundaries, and communicating your needs, you will eventually find new areas of opportunity for growth. As we looked at already, we have intellectual, emotional, spiritual, physical, and relational boundaries that we are managing. Self-protections are not the same as boundaries. The difference between a wall of self-protection and a boundary is that boundaries still allow others to see you, experience you, and have the choice to honor you. They are flexible and movable based on your needs. A wall is immovable, impenetrable, impersonal, and gives people no choice. As you have choices, and allow others to have choices, you will discover the health of the relationship. If you can be present in your life and experience freedom, peace, and joy—do it! Use the healthy tools you have learned to live, thrive, and grow. If you are experiencing ongoing fear, shame, or guilt, find out why. Often, people repeatedly tell their stories of past trauma. This would be an example of the thump-thump-thump we looked at earlier. If you find yourself retelling old stories of your past trauma, here is a simple gauge to help you. If you have shared the story more than three times and it is not a testimony, it is time to pursue healing. This is an extremely easy tool to use to let yourself know whether you are getting stuck in a loop of reliving the unresolved trauma, or if you are healed of it. All of us need affirmation and understanding in our journey of healing. There is a legitimate need to share our stories. Unfortunately, the continual retelling of past trauma keeps us in a loop of reexperiencing the hurt and pain of that trauma. This is destructive to our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health. You do not have to continue doing this to yourself. Freedom in Christ is available. If you are stuck in one of these loops, and you can’t process it yourself, seek help. If you want help working through it yourself, get my book, Identity Restoration . If you would like someone to help you work through it, consider an Identity Coaching session. There is not something wrong with you if you need to pursue more healing. Remember, all of us are on this healing journey together. You are not uniquely screwed up. You are uniquely created in Christ for good works that God prepared beforehand (Ephesians 2:10). You have permission to live free experiencing freedom, peace, and joy. If things do not seem right, you also have permission to examine yourself to see whether you are believing lies and self-protecting. Blessings on your journey, Ray

Practical Steps for Spiritual Wholeness – Laura Burwick I remember in the beginning of my healing journey as an adult, feeling that I would never be complete. I had given my life to Jesus as a teenager but had no idea what that meant, and no one taught me. My first kiss and the first time I experimented with cigarettes was at my church youth group. I remember feeling so disconnected from the Lord and ashamed. I did not understand how to change my behavior. I had no idea it was my heart and a relationship that the Lord wanted. I have learned how to move forward towards emotional wellbeing and how not to focus on circumstances. Along with my personal journey I have had the opportunity to help and counsel many individuals, couples, and families in their journey towards emotional wellbeing. The theme that runs true for everyone is this—how do I avoid pain, disappointment, being vulnerable, and feeling uncomfortable? Sadly, the answer is we don’t! Just because we may not consciously address our issues does not mean we are not affected by them. They have a tendency to be hindrances and can keep us stuck in an old wine skin. I believe one of the first practical steps for spiritual wholeness starts with being willing to give up control and let the Lord guide your healing. A mentor said to me recently, “My belief that there was something wrong with me that I needed to fix was my way of trying to control God.” It took me some time to evaluate the statement. Deciding what we need to change on our own is the definition of operating out of my own strength and not relying on Him. It is a way of staying focused on me instead of Him and who He says I am. My conclusion is that trusting God with my life and surrendering to Him is much more frightening than deciding what I think needs to be fixed. It also takes away my excuse to stay small and not answer His call on my life. Staying small can be not volunteering to lead at your church, or hosting a Bible study, or applying for the promotion at work. After all, if I still need to be fixed, it disqualifies me from moving forward. Second practical step for spiritual wholeness is to accept that when we move forward, we will experience resistance. Resistance isn’t always the devil. The patterns and cycles in our lives have been developed as a result of our life experiences. Sometimes even the patterns that are self-destructive are still what we know and understand. Change means taking risks and being vulnerable. It can mean having that difficult conversation with a friend or co-worker, asking for help and not isolating, being intentional and taking our thoughts and beliefs captive on a daily basis, or re-evaluating and believing that what God says about us is the truth. Third practical step for spiritual wholeness is to recognize the resistance and have a process in place to manage our relationship with our hearts and the Lord. This is a critical step to moving towards emotional wellbeing. It is learning to recognize the patterns and cycles in our lives, when we are trying to control the Lord, or when we are operating out of our own strength and understanding. It is the place where we learn tools and create a process that enables us to change no matter the circumstances. It brings us back to our heart and relationship with the Lord. It is the place we learn to listen to the Lord and ask Him what He would have us do. Emotional wellbeing is attainable; it’s a process of learning to trust the Lord and yourself. We do not always feel whole, but the truth is we are whole and have everything we need in Jesus. Our responsibility is to have a process in place and realize that we are not in this alone. If you would like to learn new tools and build your own process for sustainable emotional health, I am here to help. I have over 30 years experience helping individuals and families. In a session, we will explore any belief systems you have that are barriers to you moving forward. For questions or to schedule a Recovery Coaching session, click HERE. Blessings, Laura

Dreaming Again - by Colleen De Silva “I want you to tell the world that I AM fun.” - Holy Spirit Allowing ourselves to dream again after a healing encounter can feel brand new and even uncomfortable at first. Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means that we are stepping into new territories and unfamiliar lands with God. When we go to new places we have to walk around and get familiar before we feel like it’s home. The concept of dreaming includes nighttime dreams, visions, and aspirational/life dreams. For this blog, I will discuss maturing into our aspirational/life dreams. After a healing encounter our hearts are more open to the impossible and we are willing to be honest in the present. So many times we realize that what we thought we wanted and enjoyed isn’t really what we want and enjoy anymore. We can also realize that what we want, but didn’t think we could have, is actually what God wants for us too. In both situations, we end up having to reevaluate and dream again . My story was that I had always secretly wanted to be a film actor. I could never justify this as a Christian but when I went to a ministry school, I had several healing encounters and made a decision to try this acting thing out. I was asked to act in a short film playing a villain. I still struggled with feeling ashamed but I chose to take the role. I stepped into new territory. On the film day, I finally invited Holy Spirit into this new world. I told Him I was feeling ashamed and afraid to fail. Then, I heard Him respond, “Sweetheart, you are going to do great.” I continued, “I don’t know how to be a villain. Will you please help me?” Then, to my surprise, He said, “Why don’t you slowly drag a chair around the character. It will scratch the floor to intimidate and scare him.” What?! I thought He’d say something like, “You’re on your own kid,” or “I don’t want you to play a villain.” No, He gave me advice. I experienced God’s partnership in my acting dream. Since then, Holy Spirit has given me more acting advice and amazing revelations. One in particular convicted me to never put God in a box when it comes to dreams. After the premier of a short film I acted in, I heard about an audience member having a breakthrough in the area of grief. While she watched the film, she felt at peace with her father’s death and was able to let the trauma and pain go. After hearing this, Holy Spirit said, “Colleen, the breakthrough that you carry emanated through the screen and brought breakthrough to her.” What she didn’t know is that I too had lost my dad, and that I had experienced breakthrough and healing during filming. What we carry and the dreams we desire are important. We may not understand how they all fit together but that’s not our responsibility to know. Ours is to be like little children and walk with Jesus through the uncomfortable feelings of stepping into new territories. It’s where we discover even more about God, who He created us to be, and what gifts we carry. Maturing into ourselves is an ongoing process and it takes childlikeness to grow. Maturing does not mean that we lose our childlikeness. In order to dream again, we have to become like children! Jesus said to the disciples after they asked Him who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven.” (Matthew 18:1-3) Children are free from worry, they wait for their guardians to guide them... to tell them it’s dinner time, time to do homework, time to go to bed. They listen and obey. What do children do when they aren’t sleeping, eating, and learning? They are PLAYING! This is so important because children really do know how to have fun, don’t they? As Christians we forget this part of childlikeness. We make excuses as to why we don’t follow the dreams God has planted in our hearts, or if we pursue them, we are ashamed and feel the need to justify them. When we were children running around and playing, not once did we justify playtime, we begged for it! As children, we automatically felt permission to be joyful and free. Do you find yourself justifying your actions when you are doing something you love or enjoy? “I am going to have a spa day because I need it for this reason and that reason... oh and... God told me to do it. So, I’m good... I think?” You’re not alone! The majority, if not ALL, of Christians have spoken something similar. It’s as if we think that being a Christian is all sacrifice and no play. If this were true, then why did Jesus die for our sins and send the Holy Spirit? A beautiful Spirit that is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. All of these are good things and “against such things there is NO law.” (Galatians 5:22-23) Jesus sent a fun Holy Spirit to guide our days and to hang out with us all the time! When I asked Holy Spirit what He’d like me to focus on for this blog, I heard Him say, “I want you to tell the world that I am fun.” He is fun and wants to have fun dreaming again with us! Has anyone ever asked you to tell them what your perfect day would look like? A perfect day that has no constraints or impossibilities. This question allows you to dream without the fear of time or age, lack of money, family expectations or anything else! I encourage you to ask yourself what your perfect day would look like. Invite Holy Spirit to sit with you as you write it down and ponder. Be very honest with yourself. Then, ask Holy Spirit and yourself what you believe that is preventing you from having this perfect day? This is a practical way to catapult you into dreaming again with Holy Spirit. We were meant to LOVE our lives, to enJOY what we do, to have PEACE in the process, to PATIENTLY wait for God’s best, to be KIND to ourselves and others, to receive GOODNESS, to FAITHFULLY dream for the impossible, to receive gentleness and be GENTLE with ourselves and others, and last but not least, to use SELF-CONTROL because we are powerful human beings. Let’s experience dreaming again by taking small steps, even in the uncomfortable, and watch God’s miracles happen as we dream again. Have fun, Colleen