So far, we have looked at many aspects of grief that result from the trauma of loss. In this blog we are going to look at the re-emergence of hope that happens in the grieving process.
The grieving process isn’t just about grief. It is about establishing a new normal where
you can live and thrive again. As we confront
our emotions and the pain from the loss, the fog begins to lift, and we slowly
begin to have clarity of mind restored. Little
by little, flashes of hope will return.
As we move through the grieving process, one of the many experiences
we have will be this restoration of hope.
These flashes of hope can seem unusual and even out of place
sometimes. Depending on the level of
impact from the loss you experienced, there can be a sense of sadness and
hopelessness that can set in while grieving.
The depth of sadness that can happen after a loss sometimes make it seem
completely hopeless that you can ever feel anything other than grief. Having a sensation of hope return in the
midst of this pain can be a very weird experience.
When a moment of hope is restored, it is almost like the sun
breaking through the clouds on a grey overcast day. It brings light to an otherwise dark and sad
place. In the beginning these moments can
be random and fleeting. One moment you can
be grieving, then you blink your eyes and you are feeling hope, then you blink
again, and you’re back to grieving.
As we looked at in The Emotional Roller Coaster Ride of Grief
,grieving is a very
unstable process. You may not even be in
a place where you are experiencing any type of hope. That is OK.
There is not something wrong with you if you cannot even comprehend the
idea of hope right now. Just know it can
happen, and it will happen, as you confront your grief and process your
emotions.
There is no set time for when you may experience hope
again. Everyone goes through the
grieving process in their own way, with different intensity, different timelines,
and different emotional responses. Take
your time, there is no hurry. Let
yourself grieve, let yourself feel your emotions, and allow yourself the time
you need.
As I write this, it has been almost a year since we lost our
home in the fire. It has been an
interesting emotional ride. While
grieving this loss, I’ve experienced hope in several different ways. The first time was early on when my children
found the burnt remains of the title page of Chapter Eight, Repent and Believe,
from my Identity Restoration
book. This was a glimpse of hope in the
middle of tragedy. Even though it
didn’t fix anything, it was a beautiful moment of hope where I felt loved. It was a reminder of a sense of normal
outside of the trauma.
While I was still in the fog after the loss, hope would come
and go. There were times when I would
wake up in the morning and it was like nothing bad had happened. Of course, soon after that, all the thoughts
and emotions from the loss would flood in and remind me that something bad did
happen. This was almost like reexperiencing
the loss over again. Even though the
feeling I woke up with didn’t always last, it began to give me hope that things
could be different.
The hope we have is not a hope that life will be the same
again. We already know that life will
never be the same. The hope we
experience is hope of life, joy, peace, freedom, and love. Hope is a natural state of our true identity
in God. The hope we experience is a
natural state of our character that has been refined as a result of the endurance
in our suffering.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have
peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained
access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of
the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that
suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character
produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been
poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
– Romans
5:1-5
ESV
It is not about getting over it. It is more like getting through it. Take it day by day. Days will become weeks, weeks will become
months, and months will become years. As
you allow God to meet you in the middle of your grief, in whatever timeline
works for you, you will begin to be able to move through it and establish your
new normal.
You have what it takes to get through this. The love you have is what will allow you to
endure, to hope, and to believe again. Your
ability to endure and hope is the expression of your love. If you didn’t love, you wouldn’t be able to
endure your loss.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things.
– 1 Corinthians 13:7
ESV
Celebrate the hope you do experience. Hold on and endure, in
the love of God, when there is no hope.
God’s love has been poured out into your heart through the Holy Spirit. Your love is the reason you can hope again.
May God’s grace empower you through love,
Ray